14 July 2010

Just Blah..... (Unfinished To Be Continued)

Still in a Blah Kinda Mood.
So I'm on the train and I get a glimpse of my reflection. Oh boy you can tell I'm bothered by something. That was kinda disturbing to me because now I know I cant hide it anymore. I now give ppl the evil eye who tell me to "smile" or "stop looking so mean". At this point "looking so mean seems to be a natural everyday expression for me"

Anyway I turn on the ipod (on shuffle) to perk up a little and Speak to My Heart by Donnie McClurkin comes on. Man I'm on the verge of tears as I get caught up in the words and my thoughts. I'm sitting there trying to get a grasp of what is the root on my discomfort. I've just been in a funk these past few weeks and I cant find my way out.Over and over I hear FI's voice in my head saying "I cant remember the last time I saw you smile". That hurts. Things that normally would make me smile now have no affect on me. Its getting harder for me to be happy for certain other ppl's happiness.  My patience is wearing thin and I'm tired of  Just Standing. Ive never been one to just sit and wait for things to happen. I'm more so into putting in the work to make things happen and get what I want. This just waiting is killing me.

 (7/15/2010 I'm having a hard time completing this one so lets just say To Be Continued.....)

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