Oh boy I don't know where to start.. I promise these will get better and wont all be depressing.
Lets start with The Troll (mini me) first.
Well she went away with her aunt & uncle for the weekend (for future references we will call them aunt and uncle cowboy boots) for the weekend and that was beautiful. I spent Friday night in the house washing and flat ironing my hair. A job I normally hate doing but was ok with it Friday because the house was peaceful and I didn't have to stop and go check to see what she was up to every 5 minutes. I was able to extend my hot oil treatment and work at my pace. I got to binge on fruit and chips and not have to share and watch some of my TiVo uniterrupted but I swear I am so behind its down to 31% of free space. Ill get to it before summer is over and my regular shows start back up. I hope. I got to sleep in Saturday and chill in the house for as long as I wanted no man, no kids, no chaos. Just me and the pooch. I finally showered, got dressed and left to go spend the remainder of the evening with FI (the fiancé) we went to the movies and out to eat. We saw 2 movies and had dinner and drinks in between the 2. I really enjoyed the time we spent together. I was sad to see the time go by so fast. We went back to his house to chill for a while and then I went home. I didn't bring any clothes and the pooch was home alone. I got to sleep in and rest again till about 2:30 when Uncle Cowboy Boots called to say he would have the Troll home by 400 no later than 430. He arrived at 4 on the nose. We sat outside and chatted for a while and then he was on his way. We got in the house and the Troll told me all about her weekend, showed me her new panties (potty training has been a task). I made her put on a pull-up because we were getting ready to step out and there wasn't going to be any bathrooms I would be comfortable with her using where we were going. I haven't had the chance to teach her how to use a public restroom yet. Anyway the ride and time in Home Depot exploring paint, floor tiles and pricing appliances went ok. We got to the grocery store and that's when her smart mouth tested my patience. If we were home I would have plucked her in the mouth a few times. She didn't get everything she wanted but after 2 hours, yes 2 hours, in the grocery store we headed home with 1 stop to 7-11 and that's it. The Troll didnt even help with the grocery bags either.The remainder of the night she plucked my nerves running in and out and up and down the stairs between my house and my aunts house. When I finally made her stop, it was crying and whining the rest of the night until she finally fell asleep after she snuck and ate 3 cups of chocolate pudding. Monday after work I cooked her dinner and then my own(she still has a appetite that needs adjusting) she ate I gave her juice with dinner. A few hours later after I told her to go get ready for bed she cried cuz she couldn't have more juice I explained over and over why she couldn't so she would not pee in the bed. She didn't care she still whined. After a few threats with the belt she laid down on the couch to go to sleep since she claims her bed is too hard. Then she said she was scared of the dark yet the TV was on. So she asked me to turn the TV off so she could go to bed and plug her night light up. I did and when I sat down on my bed I heard clicking so I muted my TV and it was constant I crept in the family room where it was coming from and she was on the floor playing with the night light so she got plucked I unplugged the night light and made her go in the bedroom and get in her bed,. She started screaming that she wanted to watch her show and that she was thirsty. I explained why she cant have anything else to drink and why her TV watching privileges have now been revoked. So now she claim she freezing but don't want to put on warm PJ's. I got tired of the screaming and crying so I called my mom and told her come rescue her twin before she come up missing. Her talking and bribes with the troll didn't help the situation much either. I ended the call fed up the Troll so she got spanked and sent to bed after I made her put her PJ's on. She sniffled and had little crying spells but she eventually fell asleep 2 comforters, a blanket, and 2 hours later. Tuesday was the same but she was just thirsty and she cried for 1 hour and then fell asleep. Wednesday, same deal but at this point I cant take it anymore. She had me even questioning rather motherhood was for me. I couldn't understand why she was putting me through this. I called FI told him he needs to come get her. Whatever calmness I had reached during my mommy break was long gone. His only solution was to drop her off with him FRIDAY (it was Wednesday and I needed relief right then)and that the reasons for her actions was because she is spoiled. (I will not take sole blame for that Dropping her off will only give me a brief break but when she comes back home to structure its going to be hell on earth again. I almost wanted to cry. Thursday wasn't as bad but G-Pa pissed me off a little by backing out of his Thursday's with her. He has done that the pass 3 weeks lately. But after I fed her and she didn't eat I made it clear for her to not ask me for anything. No juice, no wii, no she cant get her nails painted and no snacks. Several "leave me alone troll" 's later. She got a little tired. She got in her bed, I read to her then she read to herself and she was out. this morning she didn't want to get up.Tonight as soon as I pack her stuff she is outta there.
Work.
Well I have been snoozing on the job and sleepy all day at work lately. Even been late a couple of times this week. If I could just go to bed at night at a decent time that would be great. However, that's not realistic right now being up all hours of the night trying to force the troll to go to bed and fussing with her about no more drinking before bed. Then weeding thru all her excuses. Its hard to ignore "mommy", "mommy", "mommy","ma", "mother", "ma", "mommy" and "MAAAAAAAAA" over and over and then when I acknowledge her she asks for something she knows she cant have and knows why. When she finally falls out I'm too wired to fall asleep yet too tired to take a shower which means I have to shower in the morning which means I have to get up extra early to do that and then get her to get up and get her moving. But I cant get out of bed when the clock goes off and I hit that snooze button a few times. I did however talk to my manager and told him this week has been long and stressful, he says he understands just don't take advantage of his looking away from the clock when I finally make it in the office this week. I hope to start next week off better and on time.
My evaluation went well and I got a pay raise.
The House.
Those 2 issues above have been enough to deal with alone. The house we were interested in and just waiting out the process of our scores to get adjusted. Has been weighing heavy on my mind. I was concerned about the repairs that needed to be done. How much it was gonna cost us? Whether inspection was gonna go well and whether the inspector was gonna be honest. Watching HGTV about these ppl houses and false inspection reports was worrying me a little. When I talked to FI about it he really didn't want to get that involved in thought until we were actually going through the process which I thought was kind of retarded. We are both property virgins and I don't like to step into things this big without having some knowledge of what's going on and what's next . Also I like to have a back up in case things fall through. I wanted to go to Lowes, Home Depot and furniture stores to price things to see just what type of money we are looking to spend. We would have to buy appliances for that house, new floors for down stairs, landscaping for the backyard and furniture. I know there were some repairs we would be responsible for out of pocket and there were remodeling projects we had. I wasn't expecting all this to happen over night but before we got into something we couldn't get out of or afford I felt we needed to know. Maybe this was too much house for us. I showed my mom, dad, and uncle pictures of the house and some of the repairs that needed to be made and although it hadn't been said who would pay and repair what. Us or the Seller. I just got tired of having to defend FI and my decision for wanting this house when confronted by my family about the repairs and the cost involved. The price to travel back and forth to work on Metro has gone up. I'm metro accessible now and it cost me $70 a week to get to and from work. Once living in the new house which is further out, that expense will increase not only because of distance from the station to my job but I would have to drive to the station because no buses run in that area and pay for parking IF available. Getting this house in the middle of the school year and having to pull the troll out of school and get her in a new school isn't a pleasant issue I'm ready to deal with yet and how that will affect her mentally and us financially (new uniforms, aftercare, getting her stable in the house so she can get a good night sleep, etc.....) I was beginning to second guess if this was something I was ready to take on and if this house is for me. Because FI and I weren't on the same page about this I was really worried but I was willing to ride it out at least to see what the deal was before we had to sign on anybody's dotted line. A few nights ago I was watching HGTV and it was an episode where this family got duped by a false inspection. What they thought was a simple plumbing problem that may have gotten overlooked (so they thought) became an electrical, plumbing, gas, HVAC and pest issue. They had to vacate their house for 3 weeks, The front yard had to be dug up, the basement flooring was tore out, basement and kitchen gutted, the entire house had to be rewired, the gas lines had to be done this mess cost $100,000.00 plus. The house wasn't safe for them or their kids. That really bugged me out. So yesterday I decided to review the pics I took on the house and just let FI know how I was feeling about all this. I went to review the listing on the house and I noticed the status had changed. Long story short I researched a few things and contacted the realtor and he said the house was no longer available it was being sold to someone else. I took a sigh of relief inside, a little happy that its no longer our headache, happy about the possibility of being eligible for the extension on the tax credit that may get extended in an upcoming vote by congress this week. But now I'm wondering #1 how long had it been under the new status, #2 when was the realtor gonna tell us, #3 did he even know and if so why didn't he say anything. His nonchalant attitude bugged me too. I talked to FI and its seems we both weren't the least heart broken about this. We just chopped it up to having more time to getting the scores higher.
Now on top of this news I received a letter in the mail today from my landlords realtor giving us first right of refusal to buy the house I reside in now. For $340,000.00!?!?!? YEAH RIGHT! Its not even worth half as much they are asking. The letter is a copy of a fax and I think it was very unprofessionally done. Its not even on certified letterhead for the realtors company. But whatever I don't want the house anyway. Now I'm worried about how much time I have in that house until I have to move out before somebody buys it. If somebody buys it. So the search for a home I/we can be comfortable and afford to live in continues. I have heard so much about this one realtor Dee Barino. I even googled her and read so many positive reviews and things about he. I'm just thinking about emailing her and giving her a go. She has 20 years success in the business. The realtor we have now is cool but he is very half assed about showing us what we asked for and need. Its a mixture of partially what we want and partially what he wants to sell. I don't even know anything about this man background or how long he been in the business except that he works for ReMaxx and all the other extra lingo he put on his website. FI brought him to the table so I think I will bring the new realtor to the table and see what results we get. Having 2 cant hurt and I already asked FI what he felt about it and he is cool with it. So as soon as I'm done with this I'll be emailing her. Funny that while typing this, the realtor we have now just sent an email of new homes to see mostly this weekend (holiday weekend) or Monday since we are off. Just glancing at the addresses I don't get impressed anymore. 4 out of 8 are in an area we told him NO to but I'll fall back with this one an observe how FI handles him and this.
Well since its no longer our headache and now someone else's I can share the pictures I took. Then clear the memory from my camera to make space for the new pics I will take in the future. Ill label the pics at a later date.
Slide show of the house No Longer Our Headache
The Love Life.
Still the same, nothing has changed. I've been too tired and consumed with everything else weighing heavy on my mind and heart to even be bothered this week. I enjoyed the time we spent Saturday and hated to see it end. But I was also happy for the brief peace of mind and quiet time away from the family. This week I did wish more and more that we lived together so that I could get some relief and help with the little one. Someone to snuggle up to would have been nice but that wasn't important this week. I didn't stalk any wedding blogs or wedding website for ideas this week. I only ran an idea about wedding options past my mom and that blew up so enough about that and involving other ppl for now. I'll focus on the most important and if I must deal with the less important I'll do it when I'm bored and searching for something to get into.
My Happiness.
Has been almost non-existent this week. I have questioned rather I'm a good mom, fiancé, friend and person overall this week. I have wondered who really has my back. Who are my real friends. What to do with the imposter's. Who really cares about what's important to me. Who really cares and supports my child and family. How to keep those who are only out for self and their personal gain at bay an away from harming me or my family.
My family, immediate and extended, worry me. One minute we are close knit and the next minute it is so much separation it boggles me. I've tried several times and my lil bro has tried to pull everyone together. I give up. I'll let someone else have the headache I got too much on my plate right now. Just know when it finally happens I'll be there.
I'm a work in progress. Mentally and Physically. Inside and Outside. I have such a lump in my throat as I type this. I can be such a cupcake at times..
On that note this post is long enough. I'll cut it here. Its a holiday weekend but I really don't have any plans. After I get rid of the Troll I just may cut my phone off and stay in bed. I just want a break from everybody. The Troll, FI and the boys all have plans for the weekend.
Any comments or questions are welcome in the comments section. I promise to respond. This may be quicker and better than texting me. I'm serious about cutting the phone off. Be Safe and Have Fun this weekend!
Hugs and Butterfly Kisses !!!
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"Live Laugh Love"
